Things have changed. I stopped writing every day.
I had an incredible routine going. I was even getting up at 5.30am and doing an hour of mindfulness before beginning the day proper. I felt good. So good. My book was moving along. Sure I had things going on in my life that were challenging but my routine set me up for a productive day. Even COVID couldn’t stop me.
I moved house – closer to the water. The hardest thing about lockdown for me was not being able to get to, or see, the water. So in April 2021 I moved and set up house by the bay. I was SO excited. Every morning I would get up and go for a walk along the beach and gratitude would leak out of me. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was.
And then, out of nowhere, it all just – collapsed. I lost motivation. I met someone and felt consumed by them. Work began to feel hard. Harder than usual. I stopped my morning routines. Stopped exercising. Stopped caring about so many things. I began to barely exist – feeling a sense of accomplishment just for getting out of bed or cooking something rather than ordering in again.
I’m still somewhere in this struggle. Today I got up, fed my children, went to the supermarket and did some tidying. This felt like Olympic level productivity. At some point during the day I thought – I feel like writing a blog post. It came from nowhere. I’ve not written here in such a long time, but for some reason today it felt important. So here I am. I can’t write much, I don’t have the energy, nor do I feel like I’ve got the words. But I’m really proud I did it.
I’m going to try to come back tomorrow. Maybe there is someone else out there who is struggling. Losing themselves. Well I’m here for you.
And for me.
Until next time…Tea always helps xx